that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
