My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
