I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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