A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My ass is underappreciated
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize