FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
