I love black thongs
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
