forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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