I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
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