I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
