My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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