If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
