Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
