First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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