The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
