Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
