Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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