you would pick up someone in the library
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
