You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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