I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
