Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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