I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
