is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
