My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
