I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
