is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
