Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
