Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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