Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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