my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
