Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
