I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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