She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
