I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
