You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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