Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
