You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
