I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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