i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
she told me i tasted like america
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
