isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize