I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
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