yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The cops high fived after they tackled you
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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