I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
