you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm bleeding and have questions
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