He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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