I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
