I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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