I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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