She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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