He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
