doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
