Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
