I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
