OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
