I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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