12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
