I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Sober January is a disaster.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
