Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
