I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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