Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
