You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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