My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
