Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
