I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize