The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
