I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Farmville is her only friend.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
