Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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