I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
