He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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