it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
