The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
