Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
