best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
