he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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