i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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