Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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