Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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