some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
