batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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