All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
