I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize