he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
