There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
