I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
