a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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