Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
