I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
