Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
