You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
