We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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