So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
