just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
