I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
