Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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