yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
