i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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