This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
