He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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