Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
