The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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