I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Help. Why am I so naked?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
