can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
