yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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