In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
