looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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