are you so shy because you have an std?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize