So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
So. Much. Porn.
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