sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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