wanna go halves on a baby?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
